Monday 24 September 2012

I don't know whether I'm funny or if I just know a lot of film quotes.

I've learnt a lot from the wide collection of films I've seen over my lifetime.

Here are a few life lessons from a sample of films you must see.



I learnt two things from watching Big as a child.

One: A giant keyboard is the business.

Two: Growing up gets you money and bitches.

Well, I don't have a giant keyboard. I don't have a lot of money, and being a straight female I'm really lacking in 'bitches'.



The Castle taught me that digging a hole and filling it with water will get you praise from your Father.

I have a Father, he has a spade, and I have an abundance of taps.



Wayne's World was wise with its teachings.

If you need to spew because you're partied out (again), a small paper cup will be sufficient.

You don't have to know all of the words to Bohemian Rhapsody to have a good time.

Giving a dog a bone is not meant to be taken literally.



Metropolis is a fantastically amazing watch.

It taught me that swinging your breasts around with nipple tassels will get men to praise you, like they should.



Stranger Than Fiction taught me to wear a watch. Always. It could save your life.

Also, freshly made cookies rule.



Now and Then shared some sensational songs which I can sing out loud if a karaoke session ever demands it.



Little Women made me want a house letterbox so I too could use it to store fresh fruit instead of letters.



Ace Ventura taught me how to park a car, like a glove.

It also taught me how to squeeze myself out of a rhino with all of my dignity intact.



Never Been Kissed shed some light on the teacher-student relationship. It is okay for your teacher to like you. But, he will be mad if he finds out you aren't a child.



Look Who's Talking taught me how babies are made. Sperm are both friendly and feisty creatures.



Saw showed me how to cut off my foot and crawl away from a messy situation.



I Love You, Man gave me a lesson on slapping the bass. I don't have a bass, but if I ever do it's getting a slap.



Most importantly, Step Brothers showed me how to make a bunk bed. Which I now have.

Winning at life.

No comments:

Post a Comment